3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
