Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize