Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
