Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
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