Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Mom said you looked used
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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