Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
