i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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