He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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