Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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