I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
