I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
