bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
