Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
