So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
