I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
