I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize