All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
