TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
false alarm, still single
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
