I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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