I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize