well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
