Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
