Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
