You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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