JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
