All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
