He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize