Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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