That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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