it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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