yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
