i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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