The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
