I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
