I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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