I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize