I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
