just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
