I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
