I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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