he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it hurts more in the daytime
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
