i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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