Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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