I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
