I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
