She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
