Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize