This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
