That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He felt like a one man threesome
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
