You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
