He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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