The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
