had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
