so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
