My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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