And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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