Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
