I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
