it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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