i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
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