Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
