dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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