Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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