Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
