I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
