I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
